Twisted Saga of Love: How to make a jedi yours!
by peridot-diamond
Summary: This lovely saga is a Star Wars/Moulin Rouge crossover where two girls switch places and try to make a jedi/poet theirs. Read it, you just might like it.
1. What Dreams May Come

Title : "The Twisted Saga of Love : How to make a jedi/poet yours!"  
  
Authors : Sparkling Diamond Satine & peridot mousey  
  
Disclaimer : Although we secretly wish we owned Obi-Wan and Christian, we don't. In fact, the closest thing we have is well, the movies and random pictures we've downloaded. I would also like to add, however, that Jedi Padawan Cerridwen Akemi belongs to me (peridot mousey) and the courtesan Felicia. So even though we don't own Star Wars or Moulin Rouge, if we could somehow appear in their worlds... this is what would happen.  
  
Notes : This is a parody/crossover/Ewan-love/insane story. Don't be offended or anything. Just laugh and fall out of your chair! Really, it's quite alright. Also, just to ultimately confuse you, we're writing this in first person (well how else can we express our true love for Ewan? *shrugs* nevermind). Now, to help prevent your state of ultimate confusion, everytime you see this symbol ~*~ that means we've switched characters. Got it? Woo hoo! Now, we're truly so glad you've taken an interest in our little fic... so please review!  
  
Chapter 1 : "What Dreams May Come"  
  
  
  
"He's coming!" a few of my fellow padawan friends shouted. Every head turned. Every eye focused. Everyone in the training arena wanted to catch a glimpse of HIM. Unfortunately for me, as I instantly turned my head, my long, red, padawan braid slapped across my face and landed on the other side of the opposite shoulder. After moving the menancing braid out of my face, it was too late. That gorgeous jedi padawan with his force-inhanced run was already gone. "Sith," I murmered.  
  
So, he was a jedi padawan - a very strange, enchanted jedi padawan. Although we rarely spoke of many things - of fools or kings - this he said to me : nothing. Absolutely nothing. Although I happened to appear where ever he was at random points of the day, batted my eyelashes, puckered my lips, humiliated myself, fallen down in front of him, stared longingly, ran through the temple screaming "Marry me, Padawan Kenobi!" - okay so most of that happened in my head, but still - that amazing creature had said nothing to me. Yet.  
  
Despite the accusations of my friends, I was not obsessed. Well, not really. I would often reply that it was merely an... infatuation, but no one ever believed that. Some suggested I consider the Twelve Step Jedi- Obsessive Recovery Program. "Hi, I'm Padawan Cerridwen Kenobi, ahem, I mean Obi-Wan Akemi. Fine, fine, Padawen Cerridwen Akemi-Kenobi. No! Don't take me away! Not the padded walls! Anything but that!"  
  
"Ahem, Padawan Cerridwen?" the all-too-familiar, ultimately wonderful, accent-filled, and quite nearly seductive tone inquired.  
  
See why the recovery program is terribly tragic? If I hadn't been daydreaming about that silly thing, I could have seen the gorgeous creature coming. Oh, believe me, he's not -just- gorgeous. Short, spikey, copper- kissed locks with that oh-so-tuggable padawan braid. Amazing blue/green/gray eyes that you can just get lost in. Flawless complexion. Strong jawline. Quite kissable lips. Dimpled chin. And somehow that robe/tunic/boots combination just adds to his irresisitability. Although his personality left a few things to be desired, I could somehow - quite eaisly - fall for the strong, serious type.  
  
"You should learn to guard your thoughts, Padawan Cerridwen," Obi-Wan stated, "even when daydreaming."  
  
Suddenly, the realization occured to me. I had been staring longingly at him with a faint hint of drool tracing the edge of my lower lip. And, to my dismay, I was the only one staring. Everyone else had, apparantly left a long while ago.  
  
"Oh Force!" I wailed as I blushed cherry-blossom pink, "I'm dreadfully sorry, Padawan Kenobi."  
  
"Don't apologize. It's not like your the first one to be stuck in such a situation," he said with an amused smirk. "Most of the padawans - and even a few masters - find me to be so hauntingly attractive. I just hope you aren't one of those obsessive girls who stares through my window while I get dressed in the morning."  
  
"Ahem, of course not!" I chirped a little too quickly. I was a horrible liar, but Sith, who could resist not staring through his window in the morning? I mean, he's just so -  
  
"Remember, guard those thoughts, Padawan Cerridwen and try not to drool so much," he said.  
  
So, um, did I mention he was just a little arrogant? So perhaps his ego was so very large that I often wondered just how he managed to fit through doorways and star systems, but he was just so "hauntingly attractive". A bit of a jerk? Yes, but...  
  
~*~  
  
I was completely bored with everything here at the Moulin Rouge. It was always the same thing. Dance and sing, go up to your apartment and indulge some poor man's fantasies. Once Satine died, I prayed that Christian would fall in love with me...just like every other woman. I looked into my sad reflection and applied more makeup. "Maybe...just maybe. If I could convince good old Harold to let me do Satine's dance moves I could seduce that grand ol' poet!"  
  
I sauntered down the long halls to find I was face to face with the sad, bearded poet. What was he doing here...backstage in the Moulin Rouge?? Shouldn't he be at home...sulking over some Absinthe?  
  
"Oh...hello," Christian said.  
  
Oh my god, he said HI TO ME!!! I almost fainted, but I regained composure just in time. With a flirt of my skirts and a bat of the eyelash, I suddenly realized all my flirting had gotten me face to face with...nobody. Christian vanished as quickly as he came, and once again I was hopelessly in love with someone who couldn't pay for me.  
  
It happened the last time I appeared in a nightclub. I got kicked out of that one because I...well I set the dressing room ablaze with my bad smoking habit. Don't worry; I'm over that now.  
  
Finally it had come, my chance to shine like a star. Harold Zidler was giving me the chance to be the Sparkling Diamond! He even arranged with me one night...totally alone with the young, handsome poet.  
  
I stepped onto the swing and strutted my stuff. I searched the crowd for Christian, but noticed that he was too busy sulking over Satine to not even notice me. It was then that I realized he was pressured into this visit by his oh-so-tragically-impoverished bohemian friends.  
  
"Diamonds...are a girl's best friend!" I finished off the song and winked all the way down at Christian, hoping he'd at least show some interest in me. I looked like a fool on the dance floor when Christian barely moved unless it was to twirl me.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
I sat in my room with a few tears falling from my onyx eyes and rolling down my still faintly cherry-blossom pink cheeks. Another realization had occured to me. As much as I truly adored that handsome jedi, I was nothing but another member of his fanclub to him.  
  
"Oh if only..." I whispered as I stared at my reflection.  
  
Why was I talking to myself? And, most importantly, why was I so upset over such a thing? A jedi isn't supposed to fall in love. A jedi is supposed to restore peace and justice to the galaxy, not waste precious time being distracted by the gorgeous Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi.  
  
"...I could fly away and find..."  
  
Obi-Wan Kenobi wasn't perfect. Physically, well, yes, but other than his charming good looks, it could never work anyway. He held no sort of appreciation for poetry. He couldn't sing - and Force help us all if he tried. He couldn't dance, nor did he want to. He took the typical strong and serious type to an extreme that wasn't exactly pleasant.  
  
"...someone with the most perfectly lovely qualities..."  
  
What was I really wishing for? I knew that such a creature didn't exist in the jedi temple. I was just silly, little Padawan Cerridwen with dreams and hopes that meant nothing here. I was a daydreamer and a poet, far from a grand jedi. If I broke one more thing with my lightsabre, I could quite possibly get expelled from the jedi academy. It's not like I meant to do anything wrong. Everything was basically repaired. Well, almost everything. Poor Master Yoda might never forgive me. A lifetime of having to look up at everyone must be terrible.  
  
"...who could love me just the way I am."  
  
Suddenly, a feeling of lightheadedness came over me. I reached out for the closest thing to keep from falling down - the mirror. Darkness quickly swirled around me. Then... out of nowhere.. ~*poof*~  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
I ran back to my dressing room, horrified with what happened. I realized that I wasn't horrified...I was afraid that I would never love again! Suddenly, my knuckles stung and I heard a raspy laugh in my ear. Where the heck did that come from??  
  
I stared into my mirror and noticed that no one was there, so I had to be going delirious from Marie tying my corset extra tightly tonight. I suddenly had the urge to break into song, and so I did.  
  
"One day...I'll fly away!"  
  
But my song was never completed. For, when I took one long look into that mirror, an eerie darkness surrounded me and beckoned for me to reach inside. It made false lies that I would find love again, which I knew would never be true, because I was a courtesan...we courtesan can't love. But, something inside me made me touch it...and I was suddenly 'poofing' into another universe. 


	2. Same Reflection; Different Reality

Title : "The Twisted Saga of Love : How to make a jedi/poet yours!"  
  
Authors : Sparkling Diamond Satine & peridot mousey  
  
Disclaimer : Although we secretly wish we owned Obi-Wan and Christian, we don't. In fact, the closest thing we have is well, the movies and random pictures we've downloaded. I would also like to add, however, that Jedi Padawan Cerridwen Akemi belongs to me (peridot mousey) and the courtesan Felicia belongs to the other author (Sparkling Diamond Satine). So even though we don't own Star Wars or Moulin Rouge, if we could somehow appear in their worlds... this is what would happen.  
  
Notes : Wow, you're reading our next chapter? You're brave! And wonderful! Since you've taken an interest in our little fic, please review. We loooooove reviews (almost as much as Ewan).  
  
Chapter 2 : "Same Reflection; Different Reality"  
  
  
  
"Oh Force, I have such a headache," I murmured as I shook my head and slowly allowed my green eyes to flutter open. Suddenly my eyes widened for to my shock and dismay, I was no longer in my humble jedi quarters. The room that surrounded me was much too lovely for a mere jedi. Everything was decorated in the finest crimson satin and adorned with large amounts of gold. As I turned to look around at the rest of the room, I nearly stumbled over the small chair that rested behind me. It all seemed quite exotic, although I couldn't quite identify what star system used such intricate designs in their decorations. Naboo, perhaps? Although the room was quite large, it wasn't filled with much : a piano near the door, a large bed, a small table, a dressing table with a chair, and a balcony. I stepped upon the balcony and gazed out at the city.  
  
"Where am I?" I whispered, suddenly both amazed and frightened. The city was a bit simplistic as compared to other planets I've visited, and yet it held an odd element of beauty. With over-whelming curiosity, I ascended one of the staircases and studied the odd structure I had been inside of. It was clearly some sort of animal that resembled a much larger, non-winged version of a Toydarian. As I reached the top of the structure, I saw someone else standing under a small, ruby canopy.  
  
That someone turned around and appeared to be the most handsome creature my eyes had ever gazed upon. He looked very much like Obi-Wan. Same blue/green/gray eyes. Same flawless complexion. Same kissable lips. Same dimpled chin. But, there were certain differences that made my little heart flutter. His hair was slightly longer in length - much darker too - with two strands that hung oh-so-adorably just above those amazing eyes. His attire was a little different - local style, I supposed, but it caused the irresistibility level to rise quite a bit.  
  
"Don't stare at me like that. I know I must look a little funny, but I had to get rid of that awful beard. I have some interviews next week, and that thing made me look much too old," he murmured with that strong, deep accent.  
  
"I.. I'm sorry, sir. I.. didn't mean to stare," I stated nervously.  
  
"You sound a little strange. Not using Harold's classic 'Smoldering Temptress' act? I won't go for the 'Wilting Flower' or 'Bright and Bubbly' if that's what you're trying," he said with an unhappy and mildly annoyed sigh.  
  
"Um? I don't think I understand, sir," I said.  
  
"And what's with the outfit? I must admit, it's a nice change to see you fully-clothed for once-" he commented.  
  
"As if you've seen me differently?!" I retorted.  
  
"Well, I guess those costumes -are- fully dressed for someone like you, Felicia," he said.  
  
"Felicia? What an odd name. And what sort of costumes? This is what I wear everyday - mandatory jedi padawan attire," I stated.  
  
The handsome figure strolled closer to me and stared at me strangely. It was at this time the force thwaped me in the back of the head and said "Duh Cerridwen". In order to save myself from ultimate confusion, I decided to take a little peek at his thoughts.  
  
"Oh Force... you think I'm a- Sith! That's horrible! I'm a good girl, I promise! This Felicia you speak of... she must be in my room..." I wailed.  
  
He stared at me with a gaze that could pierce straight through to my soul. He certainly was grander than the arrogant Obi-Wan Kenobi.  
  
"Something is different about you. Felicia wouldn't be caught dead in -layers- of clothing, and you just don't look the same. Similar yes, but there are a few differences. So, care to explain yourself before bad matters get worse?" he said.  
  
"I'm.. I'm Jedi Padawan Cerridwen Akemi from the planet Coruscant. I was staring in my mirror one moment, and then appeared here in the next. Something dreadfully strange must've happened. I was just... wishing for... something, but... oh Force! It wasn't actually supposed to happen!" I lamented with a few tears suddenly rolling down my cherry-blossom pink cheeks.  
  
"Shh," he whispered, suddenly holding me in a gentle, comforting embrace. "This is nothing to cry over. Although I have no idea what a jedi is or where Coruscant is, I'm sure we can get this sorted out."  
  
"But I.." I whispered through my sudden sobbing fit, "I don't know where am I or who you are or anything!  
  
"You're at the Moulin Rouge in Montmartre, a small city located just outside of Paris, France. Um, it's also on the planet Earth," he stated.  
  
"Never heard of it." I murmured.  
  
"Oh well, I'm Christian. I'm quite sure you haven't heard of me either," he added.  
  
"No," I wailed, "See?! I know nothing!"  
  
In a desperate attempt to comfort me, Christian suddenly burst into one of his classic musical moments, "My gift is my song, and this one's for you. And you tell everybody, that is your song. It may be quite simple but, now that's it done. I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words how wonderful life is now you're in the world."  
  
I stared in complete awe. This was quickly becoming more than just an infatuation. Obi-Wan? Who was Obi-Wan?  
  
"I sat on the roof, and I kicked off the moss. Well some of these verses, well they, they got me quite cross. But the sun's been kind, while I wrote this song. It's for people like you that keep it turned on," he sang.  
  
Suddenly he was dancing with me and singing to me. Oh Force, if I had known it was this simple for wishes to come true, I don't think I -ever- would have even given Obi-Wan a glance.  
  
"So excuse me for forgetting, but these things I do.. you see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue. Anyway the thing is, what I really mean, yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen," he continued with that gorgeous voice.  
  
Finally he stopped twirling me around, but I was so dizzy I didn't truly notice until much later. He smiled at me. Oh Force, he smiled at me. Can I just faint now? Please?  
  
He continued in his musical moments until finally he sang in a near whisper, "How wonderful life is now you're in the world."  
  
"I can't believe it," I murmured, "I'm in love with a young, talented, handsome... boy I hardly know."  
  
"Tell me this isn't an act," Christian whispered.  
  
"Of course not," I replied.  
  
"Well then," he stated, suddenly seeming quite nervous which was intoxicatingly adorable, "we better get you somewhere else before someone stumbles in here with the wrong idea and tries to pay you."  
  
"Pay me for what?" I inquired.  
  
"Um, pay you to... indulge their fantasies," he murmured.  
  
I blinked in utter confusion to which he replied, "Don't think of it. Really, you don't want to know. Where ever you come from must be very nice and non-corrupt and... and.. you certainly don't need to be in a place like this."  
  
Sadly, I wasn't paying attention to him. I was lost in daydreams and schemes. I had a new mission now. I had to form a plan to return myself to the Jedi Temple and replace Obi-Wan with the enchanting creature, Christian.  
  
~*~  
  
I looked into the mirror that held my reflection. The same gorgeous black locks framing my carefully made-up face, but when I looked around, everything was misplaced! This certainly didn't look like my dressing room. There were so many different things I could never have imagined a dressing room carrying. In my panic, I didn't notice a certain person walking into my room.  
  
"Cerridwen...what happened to you?" a man asked, his jaw dropping.  
  
I spun around and thought I saw a ghost. He looked exactly like Christian, except a much younger, much less depressed version. He had spiky brown hair instead of black, and his longer pieces of hair were pulled back into a ponytail. He had a braid falling onto his shoulder that just itched to be tugged. I held out my hand to touch it, when I snapped back into reality.  
  
"Who's Cerridwen? And may I say that is the strangest name..." I said. I could feel myself getting lost in his deep blue/green/gray eyes, and tried to stay focused, but it was way too hard!  
  
"Stop playing games, Padawan Cerridwen. I'd get back into your Padawan clothing before your Master sees you...it's not wise to dress that way," he said.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not Padawan Cerridwen. And just what do you mean by how I'm dressed? Most men tend to like it. Don't think insults will get you anything for free," I said, winking.  
  
The man gulped. "What exactly are you talking about...anything for free?"  
  
"You know very well what I mean," I said, and I walked over to him, and was about to grab him into an embrace. "Come on, Christian, I think it's time for you to stop playing these games. Satine's not coming back, so you might as well enjoy this."  
  
He gulped again. "I don't know what your talking about, Cerridwen, but my name is not Christian and you know this! I don't know who Satine is, but I could care less...son of a Sith, Cerridwen, what in the name of the Force are you doing? It's me...Obi-Wan Kenobi, open up your eyes!"  
  
Obi-Wan Kenobi?...not Christian? This was just turning out really weird. And I thought any man wouldn't mind just one night of pure passion...boy was I wrong!  
  
"Humph...well if that's the way you want it! My name is Felicia by the way...NOT Cerridwen...and...and..." I felt myself go faint, and thought I would have crashed to the ground if it weren't for Obi-Wan being there to catch me. I blamed everything on the corset...why does Marie always have to tie it so tightly??  
  
"Cerr...I mean Felicia...are you all right?" Obi-Wan asked, looking into my sea-green eyes.  
  
"These...silly costumes," I said in my thick accent.  
  
"Sith! I should take you to the Healers to make sure you're all right...but may I suggest that you put on something a little less...revealing? I don't know where you come from, but around here, we are forced to be fully-clothed during the day," Obi-Wan said.  
  
I laughed. "Montmartre," I said.  
  
"What?" Obi-Wan asked, confused.  
  
"I come from Montmartre, Paris. I am a courtesan at the Moulin Rouge, and it seems that while looking in the mirror...something catastrophic happened," I said, smiling my seductive smile. This was my chance to find someone who had direction in his life. Someone who actually knew what they would be doing instead of wasting their life over a lost love.  
  
"Paris? Montmartre? Well...you're on Coruscant now. It's a planet with one huge city," Obi-Wan said, carrying me to Padawan Cerridwen's closet and pulling out a tunic. "Here, put this on and the Healers will make sure you'll be all right."  
  
I took the tunic and hid in a separate room to change into it. What a relief it was to finally untie that corset! I coughed a little and just prayed that no blood would follow. I would hate to follow Satine's fate. All I wanted now was to return to the familiar Montmartre and replace that stupid wasteful Christian with this handsome man named Obi-Wan Kenobi. I suddenly didn't care that I wasn't getting paid for however long I was here. All I wanted was to be here with the man who suddenly paid attention to me.  
  
~*~ 


	3. What nice jedi knickers you have. . .

Title : "The Twisted Saga of Love : How to make a jedi/poet yours!"  
  
Authors : Sparkling Diamond Satine & peridot mousey  
  
Disclaimer : Although we secretly wish we owned Obi-Wan and Christian, we don't. In fact, the closest thing we have is well, the movies and random pictures we've downloaded. I would also like to add, however, that Jedi Padawan Cerridwen Akemi belongs to me (peridot mousey) and the courtesan Felicia belongs to the other author (Sparkling Diamond Satine). So even though we don't own Star Wars or Moulin Rouge, if we could somehow appear in their worlds... this is what would happen.  
  
Notes : Woo hoo! Another chapter! I would just like to say, try not to be too offended by the "jedi knickers" joke. It came from Ewan himself! Ooooh, betcha' won't get all offended now. *winks* It's the joke of the day, and we happen to think it's so funny that we used it -twice- (three times if you count the chapter title). It's even more wonderful than a young, evil Obi-Wan Kenobi chained up and saying "yes, master" to everything we say. Ya know, on second thought...  
  
Chapter 3 : "What nice jedi knickers you have..."  
  
  
  
"You know, Cerridwen, your hair is almost the same color as Satine's was. Maybe it's a little lighter. I bet if you unbraided it, it would look just like her glossy curls," Christian thought aloud.  
  
"You know, Christian, your hair is like Obi-Wan's. It's much darker than his, longer too, but it's definately got Obi-Wan qualities. I bet if we chopped it a little and added one long braid on the side, it would look just like his padawan style," I thought aloud.  
  
This had gone on for hours now. I reminded him of his former love Satine who he spoke quite highly of, so I supposed that was a good thing. I made the mistake of asking about her, and it went on and on and on and... Of course, I did the only thing a lovesick jedi padawan could do in such a situation. I told him he reminded me of my former love - well, so I was lovesick for him, but... - Obi-Wan. He asked me about him, and I went on and on and on...  
  
"This is crazy!" I finally announced, not realizing he said the same thing when I did.  
  
"You know," Christian said with a sudden grin.  
  
"Hmmm?" I replied, completely in shock by how adorable his wanna-be-evil grin was. Of course, with Christian, I doubt there was anything he ould do without being adorable somehow.  
  
"You look so much like Satine, but you're not her. That's alright though, I mean, you have good differences. Very... admirable differences. Although I can overlook basically anything..." he said, nearly drifting off into another Satine flashback. I couldn't just sit there and let it happen. He was dropping a hint at - something - and by the will of the Force, I was going to find out what.  
  
"Like... what sort of differences?" I inquired innocently.  
  
"Well, you don't cough. You don't have any sort of non-coughing, deathly disease do you?" Christian asked.  
  
"Nope. I sneeze a lot though. Horrid allergies," I said.  
  
"That's fine, as long as you don't die from it. You don't plan on dying any time soon do you?" he questioned.  
  
"Not unless I have to go back through that mirror without you..." I said, batting my eyelashes at him.  
  
"So that means you just might be a hopeless romantic?" he inquired.  
  
"Yes!" I replied.  
  
"With a love for poetry?" he questioned.  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"And you don't have a terrible job where you get paid in diamonds to indulge disgusting fantasies of married men? And you don't have to seduce a nasty, old duke do you?" he interrogated.  
  
"No, no, of course not!" I stated, "Now, it's your turn. You're a lot like Obi-Wan, but you have certain charming qualities he lacks. You can sing and dance and recite poetry. But... do you have an ego that barely fits through star systems?"  
  
"No," he replied.  
  
"Great! And you don't have an annoying habit of reading my thoughts when I'm daydreaming?" I asked.  
  
"Of course not. That's terribly rude to do - not that I know how," he said.  
  
"Peachy! And... if I just so happened to be staring and drooling over you, you wouldn't be rude or anything?" I inquired.  
  
"No, I'd be honored," he replied.  
  
"Great! I'm happy!" I announced cheerfully.  
  
"Well then, that settles it," Christian stated, suddenly standing up and grinning at me. Oh Force, I thought his voice was seductive, but just add the grin to it and...  
  
"Settles what?" I said, struggling not to just faint from the beauty of the moment.  
  
Suddenly the oh-so-dramatic poet burst into song announcing that, "We should be lovers!"  
  
"We can't do that," I replied, but suddenly felt the need to kick myself many, many times.  
  
"We should be lovers," he announced through song again, "and that's a fact."  
  
You know, opportunities like that just don't happen. Come on, when was the last time some charming, adorable, poetic, dream guy of the galaxy burst into song and announced that you should, in fact, be his lover?  
  
"Well, alright then. That's fine with me!" I said with a bright smile.  
  
Christian hopped on his bed and sat with his back against the wall. He looked so comfortable and, well, dreamy. He grinned at me and said, "You're not going to make me sit all by myself over here, are you?"  
  
Oh. Force. Oh. Force. OH! FORCE! As if I could honestly say no! My adorable, little padawan self strolled over and happily snuggled against Christian.  
  
"So, you keep mentioning the jedi. What's it like to be one?" he asked softly.  
  
"Well," I explained, "it's quite peaceful really. We meditate a lot and move things around with our minds. It's very quiet and time-consuming. But, sometimes we have to fight. We have this great weapon called a light sabre." I lightly tapped at the light sabre attached to my belt.  
  
"Wait, wait, why give it such a fancy name? I mean, I could just drop my jedi knickers and show you a real lightsabre," he said with yet another wanna-be-evil grin.  
  
"What?!" I exclaimed, blushing a much brighter shade of pink.  
  
"Em, I'm sorry. It must be the bad influence of those Absinthe-drinking Bohemians upstairs," he murmered, blushing nearly the same color.  
  
~*~  
  
The trip to the Healers was interesting. Everyone stared at me down the long hallway, and I'm sure no one recognized me. But it felt good to be carried all the way by a big, strong, handsome man.  
  
"You're going to be just fine, dearie," one of the Healer's said. "Everything checks out good, and you can leave to get some rest. Obi-Wan, can I ask you one thing in private?"  
  
"Sure thing, Healer Robi," Obi-Wan said.  
  
"Who is she? I most certainly never saw her before," Robi said.  
  
"She's...my cousin!" Obi-Wan managed to think up a lie to cover for me. How sweet, now I have to be related to him. Too bad, if he could pay, I most surely would've given him quite a night.  
  
Obi-Wan helped me walk back to Cerridwen's room. Walking in those flat boots was quite the interesting thing. My feet were so used to the high heels, that I almost fell backwards!  
  
Suddenly, as I was sitting down I noticed something dangling at his waist. "What is that?" I asked.  
  
"Oh this? It's a lightsaber," Obi-Wan said, about to pull it off his belt and show it to her. "It's a weapon and-"  
  
"I'm sure it is," I said grinning. "Now why don't you drop your little Jedi knickers and show me-"  
  
"What?!?!?!?" he interrupted.  
  
"I wanted you to show me the real thing," I said, with a smirk across my lips.  
  
Obi-Wan turned bright red. It was probably the first time he'd ever been talked to that way by anyone. "NO!"  
  
"What, you don't like me?" I asked, pouting, putting on my sad, 'Come and play with me' face.  
  
"It's...it's not that...you're just..." Obi-Wan said.  
  
"Come on, spit it out," I said, proceeding to yank Obi-Wan's arm and pull him onto the bed. "Let's make love!"  
  
Obi-Wan looked horrified. "WHAT?"  
  
I started undoing Obi's pants, and started making animal noises. "Tiger!! Rawr rawr!"  
  
"You're scaring me!" Obi-Wan said, giving me a Force shove to push me off of him. Unfortunately, he didn't know just how much power he had just used, and I was pushed across the room, landing right into Cerridwen's dresser...and knocking over the snow globe that was inconveniently placed on the edge of the dresser.  
  
"Oops," I said, unsure of what exactly I had done.  
  
"Oh no...Padawan Cerridwen will surely kill me for this!" Obi-Wan said, panicking.  
  
"Stay calm Obi-Wan we don't even know if she's here, right?" I asked.  
  
"Well...yes...but still, we have to do something...replace it, perhaps, before she gets back!" Obi-Wan said.  
  
"How are we going to do that?" I asked, my hands on my hips.  
  
"I don't know," Obi-Wan said. "But it's not like I could care that much," he smiled at me in the most sinister way I could have thought would come from such an innocent man's lips. "From now on, I'm forgetting about that stupid Padawan. Besides, all she did was drool over me...it serves her right!"  
  
I smirked. "Drooled...over you? What a fool she was." Obi-Wan frowned. "I WAS KIDDING. Gosh, can't you take a joke?"  
  
"Uh...so...Felicia is it?" Obi-Wan asked.  
  
"Yes. What do you want?" I asked, falling into a dazed state, I collapsed onto the bed next to Obi-Wan. Lying next to him was the best feeling I've ever had...it didn't compare to any man I was forced to sleep with.  
  
"Do you want me to show you my lightsaber?" he asked.  
  
I perked up, out of my dazed state. "You actually...want to?"  
  
"NOT THAT LIGHTSABER!!" Obi-Wan yelled.  
  
I pouted again. "I guess you don't go for the 'Smoldering Temptress' Look. Perhaps if I try for something a little less...rowdy?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.  
  
"How about you act like yourself. No pretending to be someone else, just you," Obi-Wan suggested. 


	4. To Flirt or not to Flirt

Title : "The Twisted Saga of Love : How to make a jedi/poet yours!"  
  
Authors : Sparkling Diamond Satine & peridot mousey  
  
Disclaimer : Although we secretly wish we owned Obi-Wan and Christian, we don't. In fact, the closest thing we have is well, the movies and random pictures we've downloaded. I would also like to add, however, that Jedi Padawan Cerridwen Akemi belongs to me (peridot mousey) and the courtesan Felicia belongs to the other author (Sparkling Diamond Satine). So even though we don't own Star Wars or Moulin Rouge, if we could somehow appear in their worlds... this is what would happen.  
  
Notes : Yes, it's that magical moment again where we (the looney Ewan freaks) write yet another chapter for you! I'm sure you were eagerly awaiting the next installment of the Twisted Saga of Love, and if you weren't well, *thwap* no evil Obi-Wan slave for you! Oh and to every lovely individual who wrote a review for us, we love you all so-oh-very much, so... you can have your own personal Ewan pet free (retail value of $299.95, only sold in select stores)!  
  
Chapter 4 : "To Flirt or not to Flirt"  
  
"You must be kidding," I stated, almost sounding as unbelieving as a certain, oh what was his name, jedi I once loved.  
  
"It's quite adorable, actually," Christian said with his boyish smirk tugging at those oh-so-kissable lips.  
  
Christian had insisted on introducing me to his Absinthe-drinking, Bohemian friends upstairs, but he was a bit concerned about me wondering about in my padawan attire. He didn't want anything bad to happen to me - how sweet - so he brought me a dress from one of Moulin Rouge can-can dancers - perhaps not so sweet. So there I stood dressed in layers of purple satin and black lace.  
  
"I haven't seen anyone else dressed like this..." I murmered.  
  
"Okay, so it's not how - normal - people dress, I'll give you that. But, it was the most suitable thing Toulouse could get ahold of. Anything else and well, it would be horrible..." Christian said.  
  
"I feel like a little girl playing dress-up," I commented as I twirled around in the layered dress. Christian seemed amused by this which made it all worth it. I sorted through the rest of the things Toulouse had sent for me to wear. A pair of ankle boots - nice enough, somewhat comfortable. Fishnet stockings - interesting, I suppose, but why on Couresant would you want holes in your stockings? Doesn't that defeat their purpose somehow? A diamond... something.  
  
"It's a head-dress, I guess you could say. It goes in your hair and dangles in your face," Christian explained as though he had read my mind. Perhaps he had promising jedi abilities after-all. "Take your hair down, and I'll show you."  
  
"I... I don't know. They're strict about the braid..." I murmered.  
  
"And they aren't here. Don't you ever take that braid down?" he asked.  
  
"Well, at night when I wash my hair, of course. But.. I immediately braid it back," I stated. "But maybe.. maybe just this once.."  
  
Christian's face seemed to light up with a child-like glow. He gently untied the ribbon at the base of my braid and separated the sections. He appeared to take great pride in playing with my hair, and I didn't exactly mind. It was nice, really. So as he played, I pondered. How in Force's name was I going to take him back with me?  
  
"There," he announced proudly after nearly an hour had passed. I stared into the mirror and suddenly became enchanted by the sight. It was very rare that I actually studied my hair while it was down. It was quite pretty, actually; no wonder those silly jedi made me braid it - if Obi-Wan ever saw me like this, he might just order me to seduce him. Hmm, not a bad idea. Yes! Bad idea! I have Christian now! Ahem, like I was saying. My hair appeared to be a deep red, like the shade of ripe cranberries, with flecks of copper throughout. It was curly and bouncy - much nicer than what I often refer to oh-so-lovingly as "the big red rope". The diamond decoration was held atop my head by curls being twisted around it. They sparkled throughout the top of my head, and two thin strands of diamonds delicately rested along my cheekbones, encircling my eyes.  
  
"It's lovely.." I breathed.  
  
"Yes, you are. Now, you must be shown-off," he said with his trademark bright smile. He took my head and pulled me out the door and upstairs. After knocking upon the door, Christian escorted me inside.  
  
"Well, you must be the one Chrwistin keeps talking about!" Toulouse exclaimed, "We are the Children of the Revolution! Bohemians! You could, perhaps, be one too."  
  
"Really?" I inquired.  
  
"Do you believe in truth?" he asked.  
  
"Of course," I replied.  
  
"Beauty?" he questioned.  
  
"Oh no, I think Christian is repulsive. Hello! Of course I believe in beauty!" I stated.  
  
"Freedom?" he inquired.  
  
"Yes." I said.  
  
"Love?" he asked.  
  
"Love?" I murmered then stared at Christian and suddenly grinned, "Love... about all things I believe in love! Love is like oxygen! Love is a many splendored thing! Love lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love!"  
  
"Well then, you can't fool us! You're a Bohemian Revolutionary and quite possibly, the exact clone of our Christian, only well... you're a girl.." Toulouse said.  
  
Perplexed? Oh yes, we were. Quite perplexed.  
  
"You know.. perhaps maybe... a soulmate." Toulouse explained.  
  
"Wait, wait, wait... I just kind of magically appeared here. See, I'm not from here. I'm from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Oh Sith, that's catchy! Ahem, anyways, we can't be soulmates or anything. We're not even from the same world.. the same time.." I tried to explain, although the look in Christian's eyes made it quite clear that with every word I said - even the catchy ones - I was breaking not only his heart but mine.  
  
"You share the same love though. Sometimes things get... complicated, mixed- up, you know. 'Magical appearances' don't occur every day. You and Felicia switched places for a reason, a very specific reason. Perhaps you could say, Fate's way of eliminating the complication, fixing her mistakes," Toulouse continued.  
  
"But how? Cerridwen wants to go back. She can't stay here. People there will need her.. and... she's going to be a jedi and use a lightsabre. Although, I must say and I'm sure you'll agree, I have a real lightsabre right here in my jedi kni-" Christian started, but I quickly interrupted him before any of his little friends found out about our personal lives.  
  
"And I can't take Christian with me. Felicia and I switched places; something horrible could happen if I try to take him. Besides, you'll need him here. We can't just switch Obi-Wan and Christian. The Jedi Temple desperately needs Obi-Wan, and the Bohemians desperately need Christian. Things just get more complicated. We've seen what we're supposed to have, but it appears we aren't allowed to have it," I said with tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. "Maybe I should go back through the mirror before I hurt Christian anymore.."  
  
"No, no, there is another way," Toulouse said.  
  
~*~  
  
I decided to follow Obi-Wan's exact advice and acted like myself...a complete flirt. Every single Padawan...even those older Masters, were all potential suitors for me, so I decided why not have a little fun?  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" Obi-Wan asked when he noticed me saying lovely little nothings into one of his best friend's ears.  
  
"You told me to act myself..." I pointed out.  
  
"I didn't mean be a courtesan! That's not acting yourself you know!" Obi- Wan said.  
  
"What can I help it if I'm a flirt? I was always like this before being a courtesan. The only time I don't flirt is when I know I have some potential...boyfriend," I trembled. I refused to look into Obi-Wan's eyes, as mine met with a damn cute set of eyes and hair as black as the night, with a shimmer of silver. "Hey, good-looking," I said, adjusting my shirt so that he could clearly see my cleavage. What can I say? I'll always be a courtesan at heart.  
  
I don't know what came over Obi-Wan just then, but the words he sang strongly resembled something that I had danced to recently, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.  
  
"Why does my heart cry feelings I can't fight? You're free to leave me but just don't deceive me...and please believe me when I say, 'I love you,'" Obi-Wan sang.  
  
Now I remember! That was the song Christian sang while we were doing the tango and Nini was getting some abuse. God that was a good day. "STOP SINGING!" both the Padawan with the black and silver hair and I yelled.  
  
"Wait...you...love me?" I asked, not believing the words at first. When I saw the look of jealousy in his eyes, I knew that what he was telling me was the truth.  
  
"Yes I love you...I don't know what it is, but something about the way you just kind of landed in this world, as opposed to anyone else's...or maybe it's the fact that Padawan Cerridwen isn't around trying to drool over me. I think it's the fact that your the first girl here who hasn't tried to peer into my windows while I was undressing, but whatever it is, it won't change the fact that I've fallen hard for you," Obi-Wan said.  
  
"Hmm...that sounded like a speech I said last week," the Padawan with the black and silver hair said. "Have you been listening into my conversations with my girlfriend?"  
  
"Of course not!" Obi-Wan panicked. "Uh...I knew I shouldn't have memorized that."  
  
The boy chuckled. "I have to learn to get a new private line."  
  
"Come with me, princess, I'll take you around the temple...far, far away from Nelsie here," Obi-Wan said, putting his arm around my waist while I had a smirk on my face and he kissed my cheek as we walked away.  
  
"Isn't it funny...this feeling inside. I'm not one of those who can easily hide. I may not have much money, but if I did, I'd buy as a huge house where we both could live...I can't remember the rest of it, I'm sorry," I said, trying to recite Christian's infamous poem that managed to win Satine over. Heck, I wanted Obi-Wan to think of me as more than a courtesan, and if poems could do it, than by the Force I would! Oh dear...I'm starting to talk like one of those Padawans...what a terrible twist this is!  
  
"Is that a tint of...red I see?" Obi-Wan teased, sensing my thoughts.  
  
"Don't even joke about it...I'm not turning into your Cerridwen friend...I'm NOT!" I said, my cheeks red with anger.  
  
"Sorry, my poet," Obi-Wan said, and drew me into a huge hug, wrapping his arms around my waist, arching my back and pushing his lips onto mine.  
  
"I just have one more question," I said.  
  
"And what is that?" Obi-Wan breathed.  
  
"You don't happen to be a man whose disguising himself as a young, talented Duke...I mean Padawan...who is tragically impoverished...are you?" I asked.  
  
"Of course not!" Obi-Wan said.  
  
"Good...because I don't feel like following Satine's path...because then I might die from a grotesque disease called consumption," I said, scrunching my face.  
  
Obi-Wan laughed. "I don't think you need to worry about that, we have top- notch medical facilities here. Oh, here we are, the Jedi Council. I must present you to the Jedi Masters and they will decide whether you can stay here until we find a way to get you back home."  
  
"Back home...?" I asked, disappointed. "But I love it here!"  
  
"I'm sorry, but you can't stay here forever..." Obi-Wan said, sadly.  
  
"Then come back with me to Paris...I'm sure you'll find it much better there than here...especially because I live there!" I said.  
  
"I'm sorry, Felicia, but it must be this way..." Obi-Wan said, starting to get disgusted with me. I could almost hear it on his voice.  
  
"Well...then I've had it with you and your stupid rules! I'm out of here!" I said, starting to leave, but I felt some weird force around my neck that seemed to prevent any source of oxygen from getting to my lungs. I collapsed in a heap on the ground and didn't awake for some time. 


End file.
